i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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