You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
