like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
