Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
