I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
