fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
