God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I will be naked everywhere
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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