Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
