he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
