Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
that is very illegal...i love you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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