There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
