I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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