you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
