You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
