see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
