we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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