I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
