glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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