Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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