I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
