Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize