well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
