just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
