btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
