When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize