remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
