i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
