is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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