It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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