I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
