Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
