Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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