My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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