Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
last night I used snow as a chaser
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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