why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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