Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
