i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
