Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
