marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
