just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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