you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
