It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
