the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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