you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
