She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize