Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
