doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
