I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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