never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
