I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
