So drunk its hurt
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
