Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
