Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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