32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
