scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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