You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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