So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
