not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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