and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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