i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
