gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
