The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
