True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
