why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
