6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
